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How to go on a Dinner Date (with a Bigger Woman) in 6 steps!

So you’ve been wanting to take a bigger girl out to dinner, but you’re worried it might not be affordable or doable, well think again. If you like big girls like I do, you don’t mind the idea of a dinner date, in fact you look forward to it because you love watching girls eat. Great, because a dinner date is one of your best opportunities to impress a big girl, showing her that you’re a true gentleman that cares about her, that wants to treat her right. With these easy steps, you can wheelchair her ass up the table and order the food in peace, knowing full well you’ll save a lot of money and bang her out in no time flat.

Some back story: As you know, I’ve gotten many quickies with my foodtruck over the years. I’ll be honest, the foodtruck was a logistical crutch. All I would have to do is invite them inside for some extra corndogs after making some small talk. That’s how I got 90% of my quick bangs. But now it’s in the shop for repairs. It may never hit the road ever again, in fact it’ll probably go to foodtruck heaven after all them times the big ladies and I shook it up. Now it looks like it was totaled in a car crash. God bless the foodtruck, rest in pieces baby. Anyway, now I started taking girls out to dinner again, and I’ve perfected into a 6 step plan.

Step 1: Look for BBWs on Craigslist’s dating sections, try to find a bigger girl that is looking for romance. Recently I lucked out when I spotted a post with the title: Very Big Beautiful Woman looking for her Prince Charming. Since her picture was that of a very plus sized black woman, my response email started off with “Redbone Romeo just got his paycheck.” That was the subject line, attached to the email was a semi nude picture of myself, one that I photoshopped to make my skin lighter. I kept the message short, mentioning plans for a dinner date. It only took two emails to get her number.

Step 2: Get her to agree to meet you at the restaurant. If you pick a good, fairly upscale restaurant, then flaking isn’t really an issue, especially If she thinks you’re going to pay. If you can’t decide on a restaurant, a steak house is always a good choice. Again, don’t worry if the restaurant is pricey, and don’t let her worry about it, because it won’t matter. What she won’t know is that the free meal is just bait to get her ass out, into our Big Game trap.

If you have to pick her up, make sure you are driving a large vehicle that can support heavier loads.

Quick Story: One BBW I took out to dinner recently, she needed me to pick her up, so I borrowed my friend’s pickup-truck. When I pulled up to her house and she waddled out, my jaw just dropped. God damnnn, her ass was so thick it could have sunk the Titanic. She was pushing 600 pounds already, I had to pull out a special ramp just to help her into the back of the truck. It was hard work that took a lot of muscle, phew… Once she was in, I tied her down with rope, put up the oversized load sign on the back, and we were off. She moaned loudly every time I went over speed bumps.

Also, be sure to pick a restaurant that’s out of town, I’ll explain why soon.

Step 3: Once you help her inside, know how to deal with the waiter or manager if they have any issues. Usually getting a table isn’t problematic, but you’ll start to notice the manager watching over you like a hawk by the time the waiter asks you if you’re ready to order.

Quick Story: One time my girl and I were peacefully reading our menus when the manager approached us with a nasty look on his face, and said “sorry to interrupt your dining experience, but I just want to personally take your order to make sure you get what you need.” He gave me a good stern look, then looked at my date, and then me again; I knew what he was really thinking. You probably guessed it, he was wondering if we would actually be able to pay for the enormous amount of food she would probably eat. To top it off, being black in the south doesn’t exactly help. So I handled this situation in the most dignified manner I knew how, by loudly proclaiming to my girl, “Baby, you can eat WHATEVER you want! Don’t worry about what he thinks.” And I said it loud enough that the whole room could hear it, cause that’s how you amog the manager of a restaurant. Then I heard a deafening applause. I had received a standing ovation from every patron in the room, so I just had to get out of my seat, and bow deeply. It felt like I was about to accept a Noble prize in Fat Acceptance or Big Game. What an honor… And of course with every patron on my side, the manager had no choice but to accept defeat, and let us order as much food as we wanted.

Step 4: Get her to eat a lot of food and consume alcohol, that way she’ll have to go to the restroom, where you can get to business. We all know that big girls are severely gluttonous, and they certainly know it, but on a first date they might be ashamed of their natural habits. If she doesn’t want to order a lot of food, just order extra for yourself and eat it in front of her. Order a handful of mixed drinks too. She won’t be able to resist the temptation of eating some of your food and drinking it up. Be sure to select foods that have a decent amount of fiber.

Nigel on a dinner date.

Step 5: Wait for her to excuse herself to go to the restroom, then follow her in. If you followed through with Step 4 properly, she’ll have to use the restroom at some point to take a shit. Just follow her in. When you find her stall, tell her you brought a corndog to keep her company, then whip out your cock in front of her. Remember, bigger women rarely get any opportunities for intercourse, so the chance for a seedy bathroom surprise will be hard for her to turn down. Rip her clothes off, shake up the stall, and make sure you hit that pussy so hard she can’t get back up. After you bust a nut, tell her you will be at the table waiting for her, while she puts herself back together.

Step 6: Get the hell out of dodge, as quickly as possible! Get out of that restaurant, and get out of town as quickly as possible, before the waiter even totals the bill.

This is where I have to follow my own advice. One time after nailing my girl in the restroom, I made the mistake of walking back to my table. The manager was right there holding the bill in my face, it was like $550 dollars. Shit, I wasn’t about to stick around and clean their dishes for a week. I had to think fast. I tried to explain that I left my girl’s insulin in the car. He barely bought it. So I briskly but calmly made my exit, then I got in my truck and hit the gas!

Read More: Fitness For Heavier Women: Stay Healthy At Any Size

Add me on twitter: @nigelbiggame

Big Women Need Dick More Than Ever.

Bigger women have it hard these days: hip problems, thyroid problems, trouble getting out of bed problems, and sometimes they get their feet cut off because diabetes… They’re 99 problems have 99 problems each. A lot of the bigger BBWs are officially disabled and require special accommodations and monitoring services like Life Alert. Often when they call for help, the dispatchers that are supposed to help them just laugh instead and order her a pizza. Larger women face extraordinary amounts of pain and humiliation every day, and even though they won’t admit it, they’re desperate for any opportunity for sex. We have to show these bigger women more love and respect than ever before, because now we can! 🙂

The video below is of a large woman that’s a News anchor, and even she was bullied over email. It brings me pain watching this video (SMH… unbelievable). She needs a hug, and some serious dick.

And you bet if I hit her up on the street she’d be easier than getting fried shrimp in The Big Easy.

It makes no sense to me why or how the sight of adipose on some woman’s body evokes so much hatred, and so much rage in so many crazy white guys on the internet. A man known as Heartiste (most likely a Klansman) recently blogged about 11 Things You Should Always Say To A Fat Girl, which wasn’t very nice — In another post I’ll revise that list reflect my disposition. He seems like a smart guy, which is why I’m still scratching my head, but you know what, it’s his loss! More fat bitches for me. He’s got his 11 things to say, while I’m laying some dark pipe on 11 new BBWs from Craigslist.

See, while other guys just sit around at their laptops complaining about fat women getting fatter, I do something about it. I hate complainers because I’m an opportunist that hustles hard. I see an opportunity: A bunch of thick white women that can’t get no dick, and I make it work for me. There’s literally a deficit in dick, and guys all over are turning these BBWs down. What the hell, I love it. America is the land opportunity indeed. God bless America, and God bless these bullies. Thank you Heartiste, you are making it easier for me. All these bitches will coming crying to my food truck for their favorite comfort food, with an extra large serving of dark meat. 😉

Thanks to bullies, sometimes all I have to do is show up at the Ham Hock Saloon or any other BBW club pushing in a wheel chair, and that’s it. I’ve got a big bird ready to come to the motel with me and get her mouth stuffed with my cocopuffs. Hell, I can just bang ’em out behind a dumpster and shove moldy french fries up their ass. Now don’t get me wrong, Big Game isn’t easy; you still have to have very tight logistics and a decent knowledge of physics, be able to appreciate great food, and dead lift at least 350 pounds. But other then that, the BBWs themselves are more open to sex than ever before, I’ll admit it. I wouldn’t call myself an opportunist, but rather a hustler on a good run when I get pull in these hogs.

Keep on keepin’ on.

Read More: Haters Gonna Hate

Add me on twitter: @nigelbiggame

Do Fat Women Give Better Head?

We all love getting our knob slobbed and our snake slurped, then droppin the nut seeds down her hatch. Every time I empty out a batch of my own secret sauce in a fat bitch’s mouth, I throw my hands up and thank the lord; hell I even open up my window and let all my neighbors know with a loud Hell Yeah! I know the man up stairs is smiling down on me when I pull it off because It’s no secret that fat women give the best head.

You might think it’s easier to get some head from a BBW, because you assume that fat women are always hungry, which is true. But here’s the catch: they are hungry for food, not your dick, at least not right away. I’m going to explain how you can flip this around as quickly as possible, so you can get your dick sucked so hard that your forehead caves in.

First thing comes first, you got to have the right food.

Find out what she is craving by asking her what she’s in the mood for, or try subtly making suggesting that she responds well to. I like to put my head up to her stomach and assume it’s growling in hunger for corndogs and sausage. “Baby your gut knows what you want best, and it’s asking me for corndogs.” Every BBW I’ve done this to has laughed out loud. It’s usually a good idea to suggest food that has a phallic shape to it, and preferably something greasy. BBWs love the aftertaste of any kind of buttery grease — this Is why I often use popcorn butter or hog grease as lubricant for my cock, not just for cooking; Sometimes it’s necessary if her mouth is smaller, so I can squeeze in my huge BBC.

A common amateur chubby chaser mistake is made when you just start feeding her as soon as she is hungry and opens her mouth. Don’t be a rash fool. If you do that, she’ll just eat you out of house and home and then fall asleep — and you can’t have sex with her while she’s asleep, that’s rape my brother. You’ll go to prison if you do that, where you’ll be giving head instead of receiving it. Anyway, not to digress here, it’s important leverage her desire for food as a way to guide her toward whatever sexual act you want her to perform.

Above you see the mistake. He just rewards her right away. She didn’t earn that hot dog like a good little fat bitch. Below, my man Parker Clark has it right. After she finishes her plate she’ll be scarfing down his breakfast sausage like a bottomless cum dumpster. See, it’s just an associations game — she sees the food, the dick, and then slurp slurp.

If you get the above right, you’ll have successfully leveraged her insatiable hunger for food over to your dick, getting a blow job that’s stronger than a 100 Dyson vacuum cleaners. But watch out if you feel any teeth, keep your pimp hand ready. Keep it strong. I’ve knocked out a few fat bitches that thought they could chew on my cock. Where there’s great pleasure, there’s great danger.

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Read More: Solid chubby chasing player? Or beta male?

She Was Asking For it.

Lately I’ve been making my rounds at the local buffets once again. Last time I learned a very valuable lesson: Buffets are surprisingly the hardest place on earth to game BBWs. Even though you have so many of them waddling around in one place, they are overly distracted by all the choices of food, and even just the smell of food… They are so busy hogging up the buffet tables, carefully selecting what they want to eat, it’s hard to talk to them. They just get their food and sit at their table, intensely focused on the act of eating. I was so broken down after a week of nothing but cold rejection that I swore off buffet game forever. Never again I said to myself, but that was 5 months ago. Now I decided to tame the beasts in their own environment once again, by any means necessary.

A few days ago I hit up the buffet scene again, but this time employing a new overall strategy. I was suited up, more confident than ever, and had a new, solid alibi for my presence. In my new fitted purple suit, I headed for the Golden Corral and immediately noticed that every fat bitch was staring at me, for at least 3 seconds. Man I knew I had made a solid impression right there and then, until all the sudden the smell of bacon grease and fried foods hit me like a brick wall. The BBWs turned back around to the soul food selections, but the gain in confidence I had lingered, and I knew it was time to game on.

I got myself a plate and got in line, but this one fat woman in front of me was so god damn big I couldn’t see anything ahead of her. She was like an edifice of adipose with an ass the size of a dumpster, and a fecal stench reeking through her clothing. I had to hold my plate over my crotch to conceal a very intense boner. Once we got to the food, I knew my chance to spit game was now or never. I waited until she started loading up her tray with food, which was taking forever. The people behind us were getting visibly frustrated waiting for her to finish up,  so I called her out on it, “girl, come on. You’re holdin’ up the line!” I was trying to be cute, I smiled, but she got defensive.

BBW: Motherfuckah you got something to say to me?
Nigel: Hell yeah I do!
BBW: Whatchu got niggah? I’ll sit on you!
Nigel: Oh yeah, is that a threat honey? Because guess what, I could have you black listed.
BBW: What, you gonna put me on a black wishlist? Huh?
Nigel: No bitch, It means you won’t ever be able to come back here again. All I have to do is snap a picture of you and send it to the Golden Corral head quarters, telling them you’ve been “over served” and are acting belligerent fat hoe, hoggin’ up the line. That’s it, and you’ll be banished from the Golden Corral kingdom for all eternity. How’s that sound?
BBW: FUCK YOU niggah! You ain’t gonn’ do shit!

At this point everyone was staring at us, and some were even filming with their iPhones.

She put down her tray and waddled toward me, getting in my face like she was ready to throw down. I put down my plate and got ready in my boxing stance — and I’ll be honest here, I was scared for life, because she was at least twice my weight (I’m 235 pounds). I told her to “step the fuck back.” That was her third and final warning, I was through being nice, but she still didn’t want to listen. She choose to seal her fate when she grabbed a good scoop of greasy mashed sweet potatoes and flung it at my suit, which I had just gotten dry cleaned. Damn, that was the last straw. I quickly jabbed her in the face with my right hand and followed up with a left hook to her jaw (the good old one two combo). She was out already, when I kicked her over. She fell back, hitting the ground so hard the whole building shook up. It was like Godzilla had fallen over in defeat. The crowd of patrons was cheering for me when she went down, but I hardly noticed.

Word of advice for you hoes: Never mess with a brother’s suit, especially if it’s fitted, cause you’ll get knocked the fuck out for real.

She was lying on the ground unconscious while I was still in aggression mode, lost in the violence, seeing red; so I pulled my pants down and got to work. I couldn’t find her pussy beneath all the layers of flab, so I compromised with a nice crevice. I was getting in it hard, trying to bust a nut, but then I noticed that fecal smell again. It was coming from a hole near her gunt, she had a colostomy. Her colostomy bag had fallen off, and there was a nice hole for me to shove my dick in. There was shit inside, but my dick didn’t care, it was just like putting it in her ass, no different. It was nice and tight and I busted a few times. I felt like a champion beating up her… hole. She got what she deserved, and I had finally gotten a notch from a buffet — a Golden Corral flag. My dick gave me a fist bump.

After I got done, I noticed that everyone had left, so I pulled my pants up and went outside for a smoke. The cops showed up and asked me what had happened, and I told them the truth, “I was scared for my life, and she was asking for it.”

Photo credit: RaymondStarke

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Read More: When BBWs Act UP

An Open Love Letter to Lindy West

I don’t normally allow myself to get too heartfelt and emotional on this blog, cause I’m not about that shit. I don’t ever give my love to just one girl. I like to spread it around like red sauce on pizza. Today however, I’m going to share my deepest feelings and desire for a very exceptional BBW. Since this is a very special post it’s only proper that I set the mood with the right music:

Lindy West, I just want you to know that you are the biggest, brightest, and all around most beautiful feminist in the whole wide world. 

Consider this an open love letter.

When I first discovered you on Jezebel, my heart skipped a few beats. I knew it was love at first sight. Your sassy feminist vibe, your rotund, rubenesque frame, it’s spicy yet familiar. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.

I’ll admit I’ve done wrong in the past. All those nights I spent with other big women, feeding them nachos and friend chicken, sleeping with them, break some off in them, but I would give it all up for you.

I need a strong woman like you to set me right once and for all. You’re a big woman, so naturally you deserve a big man with a big heart, and a really big hot dog.

If you’ll be with me, I will always be there for you.

When ever you need help getting into a wheel chair. Girl I got you.

For you, I would delete my account on Craigslist forever.

We could have countless nights together of cuddling in front of my big ass fire place. With your thick ass and thighs, your potbelly, and your giant love-handles, It’s as if God made you for this purpose; there’s so much more to hold on to. More flesh for me to handle and discover. I love discovering new territories, and your body is like a whole new continent, a whole new world baby.

All them hohos and all them tasty cakes I saved all these years, all yours. You can eat me out of house and home, and stuff your face while you sit on mine. My face is your throne.

I know a beach somewhere that we could go to, where we could go on romantic strolls together. I’d bring out the wheel chair of course, a special wheel chair like you’ve never seen. Girl, you’d never have to walk on them heavy ass legs again, I got you baby, all the way! I know how much trouble you have breathing even when you sit still. So just relax. I’ll roll you up to the candle lit dinner on the beach.

We’d crack open the wine and some Cognac, fine ass cheese, candy corn oreos (your favorite) hamhock gravy and mashed potatoes, pizza, and a funnel to help it all go down. We could let ourselves loose in the moment.

You wouldn’t ever have to lift a finger, in fact I don’t even want you to. All you’d have to do is relax, lay back, and open your mouth.

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Finding the Perfect BBW (Big Beautiful Woman)

It was a usual Friday afternoon. I was at Costco to stock up, that’s where I usually shop to save money on my food bill.

By the way, let me emphasize this:

Buying in bulk is really a must if you even hope to game BBWs — you gotta feed your bitches and still have money left over to pay your other bills.

One time my junk food bill was so high that I didn’t pay my electric bill, and I spent a whole month fucking BBWs with nothing but a flash light and night vision goggles. But that’s another story.

Anyway I was at Costco, and usually I only see two types of women there: ugly ass ethnic women buying sacks of rice, and BBWs buying large quantities of junk food. But wow, there’s so many fatties there that it’s worth developing a new style of game: Costco Game.

Costco is a great place to find BBWs, second only to Craigslist!

That Friday I was pushing my giant Costco cart, breezing through the aisles. I swear to god I wasn’t there to find pussy, but lo and behold there was a woman so big she barely fit onto her motorized scooter — an SSBBW for sure. Her ass was sagging over the seat and damn near dragging on the ground.

I love a woman with a thick ass, and the thicker the better. Too much of a good thing is a GREAT thing for this brother.

While I was getting ready to approach her, running through the lines I’d use in my head, and admiring her huge bottom, she fell over in her scooter. Her massive body weight struck against the giant shelf holding all the heavy creates of wholesale food, with the shelf itself leaning over. An alarmed sounded, and all the kings horses and all the king’s men (all the Costco employees) had to put her back on her scooter again. I didn’t have a chance to run my game on her unfortunately, and so I moved on.

Later I was selecting fine cheeses in the meat and dairy section when I saw a small girl with a surprisingly thick ass, one that just popped out at me as if I was wearing 3D glasses or something. It looked like someone threw a grenade in her pants and the explosion was still happening. Something was up, cause she looked like she weighed a measly 170 pounds. I thought to myself, “how could such a small short woman have such a huge ass and not need a wheel chair?” I was about to go get her one! Being a thick ass lover, I knew had to make my move.

“Excuse me, I’ve got gas. My bad girl.” Was my opening line after I heard her fart.

I often have to wait until a BBW farts to make a move, because they become even more insecure and this ends up being a huge advantage for me to leverage myself. It’s hard for them to act like a bitch when they farted and feel embarrassed about it, and this is also how I show her I’m a gentleman: by taking the blame for the fart right away. As I’ve mentioned before with this tactic, I turn it around, and later make it fun and silly with jokes, “girl, I bet I can fart louder than you.” I turn it into a challenge, a game she has to win.

She got excited, then her eyes started to look teary. I knew I had her where I wanted, because I was the first man to have ever excepted her for who she was underneath all her think white, adipose junk.

Her interest peaked and she started asking me what I do, and noticed I was still in my chef outfit from work. I typically wear my chef attire when I’m out so BBWs know what’s up, and that I can cook for them.

30 minutes into the conversation we were holding hands and I was leading her to the restrooms. As soon as I held the door open for her, she stopped and turned back around. What she said still echoes loudly in my cranium..

“I DON’T LIKE BLACK GUYS, SORRY!”

All my intense feelings and attraction toward her disappeared. I wanted to call her a bitch, but I was too shocked, my jaw dropped and nothing came out.

Racism is pretty rare among BBWs, but sometimes it rears its ugly head. Later that night I shed a few tears thinking about what she had said to me, and how much it hurt my feelings, my dignity, my pride, and honor. Her ass was still wonderful in my opinion, despite her ugly feelings toward capable men like myself that just happen to have a different shade of skin. She got a taste of my big game, while all I got was her racism, man I felt so cheated. 

The truth is that there’s no such thing as a perfect BBW. Just when you think you’ve found one you’ll change your mind pretty quickly.

How to Go Down on Bigger Women

I know what you must be thinking, “but Nigel, how do you get your head in there, or even find that pussy?” Good question. Trust me when I tell you that it isn’t as hard as it looks, but much harder; and it’s all absolutely necessary, because a woman’s pussy can only take so much of a beating until it needs a very gentle, healing massage. Besides, it’s a nice thing to do for your BBW once in a while so she can feel some pleasure too, and know that you appreciate her. When she sees all the intense effort you put into eating out her inner beef slabs, she’ll feel more than obligated to continue allowing herself to be your BBW mistress.

So before you just dive in, stop right there.. First you have to make sure that beef is clean and kosher. This might seem obvious, but larger women often have greater hygiene problems; often a large gunt with a fat ass/thighs will make it difficult for her to even wipe her own ass after taking a dump, with her fecal matter getting compounded over time. Even without ancient doodoo hanging out near her pussy, her nether region is home to all kinds of yeast, mold, and sometimes mushrooms too — and hey, those extra mushrooms go great on that pizza you’ll feed her later. Anyway, this is why it’s important to get a fresh sponge (that you never plan on using again) and pull out a large wading pool that’s big enough for her ass; because you’ll have to get your BBW to bend over and spread her legs so you can reach in and scrub that shit out. If you don’t like getting your hand stuck inside her fleshy abyss, you can always take her with you to the car wash at 4 am and have her get out and spread her legs. Important: make sure there’s no surveillance cameras at the car wash.

Now after all that hard work and preparation, you still can’t put your crabfest 2010 bib on just yet. Remember, it’s painful and difficult for any BBW to keep her legs spread open, especially when your head is up her ass. Her legs will give out sooner or later, and her pussy cavity will collapse around your head, crushing it instantly. So any hazardous situation like this requires the proper gear, that’s why I highly recommend wearing a helmet of some kind that isn’t so big that you can’t squeeze your head up her ass. Another tip is to use some kind of oil, WD-40 works great. Last but definitely not least, make sure you have a forced leg spreading device to keep her legs spread open, or just tie her legs to bed posts to keep them open. Whatever works. A fork lift is another option if you’re dealing with SSBBWs (Super Sized Big Beautiful Whores). But hey, that’s a whole n’other level, my level. After I eat ’em out, super sized bitches get super sized dick!

Once you got that accomplished, now you have to find it. I recommend the smell test, which is self explanatory. However, if you’re not a natural like me, then the next best thing is poking her ass until you hear her scream bloody murder. Great way to do this is with a corndog, because it’s warm and soft, and you can put it in her mouth afterwards to add an extra-sensual touch. If she asks where it’s been, just tell her you dipped it in chocolate. Or ketchup if there’s blood.

Ass to mouth with a corndog. That’s what I’m talkin’bout baby.

If things get too hot, put some ice cream on that ass to cool it down.

Follow me on twitter ! @NigelBigGame

Fitness For Heavier Women: Stay Healthy At Any Size

It’s true, women can be healthy at any size. That shouldn’t be big news for big girls. But here’s the real big news: Bigger women have to workout even harder to be healthy. And by “workout” let me specify that I don’t mean it in the conventional sense, because that’s too difficult. Instead I mean special exercises for bigger girls that strengthens their body, improves coordination, and helps out with blood flow too (which is very important). It’s a known fact that the more body fat a bitch carries, the more likely she’s going to die from a heart attack or some other shit. Believe me, the last thing I want is for one of my BBW hoes dying from a heart attack while I’m plunging my BBC deep in her ass, so I became a personal trainer. By specializing in BBW Fitness I can help big bitches stay alive and collect a paycheck too.

It wasn’t long ago that I completed my online certification courses and became a personal trainer, in fact it feels like yesterday that I had my first client. She was a big, loud, independent black woman with a huge pink afro. And since it was pink, It looked like somekind of nappy ass, over sized cotton candy. Mmmmmm I knew I had to take a bite of that… It had to have weighed 50 pounds alone. She must have been one proud sistah to sport such a huge afro. When I saw her I was like “right on sistah. Right on.” When she rolled up to me in her wheelchair, I greeted her with my black fist in the air and smiled, knowing I’d be using that fist to exercise her ass later.

We got started with some basic stretches, but even this was difficult for her considering her size. To be honest there wasn’t much she could do, she was beyond hope. I brought her into my office and tried to tell her the bad news: she’s too big, even for Zumba. She started to cry, but being a gentleman I knew I had to fix this situation, and make it right. I brought out some donuts to calm her down. She gave some token resistance at first, but eventually I was stuffing them in her mouth as I bent her over and fisted her up the ass. Thank god my desk was made of red wood oak, otherwise it would be broke. I said “You want to workout for real? This is the only workout fat bitches get around here” as I went balls deep, with her face shoved in the box of donuts. It looked like an Afro was growing out of my desk, a nappy pink, cotton candy afro.

After that exercise, I was so mad at her for making my desk all messy with pussy juice and donut jelly, I pulled my shit covered dick out and wiped it off on her fro. “Bitch, that’s what you get.. Good luck washing that out.”  She was too exhausted to get upset, so I took her phone and called up her big friends for a group fitness session. Later I shoved her friend’s head up her pussy and fucked her in the ass. I got to workout two bitches at once, turning my workout room into a sweatshop. It was a twerkout workout, but with their huge asses twerking up on my junk.

Anyways, the typical daily workout routine is something like this:

It all starts out with warm up: A good game of hide and seek usually does the trick. I typically hide some food somewhere my house (usually my bedroom) and she has to find it. This is a great way to get BBWs up and waddling, which gets the blood flowing around. I always hide the food under my bed, so when she eventually finds it up we end up play hide and seek with her genitals — which I consider to be a more intense strength workout. But if you find her pussy and hit it, voilà. You win.  If you find her asshole, it’s a draw.

After a few rounds of hide and seek I get my BBW(s) to stretch. Sounds impossible?  You’d be surprised how flexible some BBWs are. Normally stretching is considered the warm up exercise, but not for these bitches, they do hardcore stretches, that’s why they have so many stretch marks. When they stretch it’s like dead lifting, and often they need assistance. I like to make them bend over, that way I can help them up and show them I’m a gentleman for real, “baby, I got you.” Great way to “sexualize the exercise.” Finally I’ll help her spread her legs so we can stretch out her pussy.

I finish up by helping BBWs workout their stomach and intestines with some food. This is part of their bulking phase that’s necessary to maintain healthy coats of fatty insulation. An anal jizz protein shake immediately after workouts helps them too. Most of this can just be freestyled, there’s no set rules. Gotta make ’em sweat, cause it’s better for her to have a fart attack than a heart attack.

Follow me on twitter for more big game advice @NigelBigGame

SlutWalks Are Great For Snagging Fat White Sluts

Have you ever heard of Slutwalks? You gotta try it out man, especially if you like being around fat white sluts like I do. These dimes won’t admit it, but the truth is that Slutwalks are really just Fat-Acceptance opportunities spectacles disguised as feminist activism. But hey, you know I’m super down with that. They’ll try to say specifically that they’re protesting against this whole notion that provocative dress invites RAPISTS. When they talk, I just nod my head, “okay whatever baby, that makes sense.” Seriously, It isn’t like walking around in the hood with stacks of money hangin’ out your pocket invites muggers, cause that’s way different. 

Believe it or not I’ve attended a few of these Slutwalk marches because I love fat sluts sympathize with the core principle of their movement: Overweight white women shouldn’t feel ashamed of looking and acting like fat sluts, they should flaunt it! They should feel encouraged and empowered to let their beefy muffin-tops and cottage cheese asses sag freely and openly. That’s why they got my fucking support. Amen.

Not too long ago I was in Toronto for a SlutWalk march, and boy was I surprised at the sheer size, density, and thickness of all the fat Slutwalker buffalo-bitches stampeding through the city. I couldn’t wait to join the crowd.

I’m looking smooth like Morpheus from the Matrix. 

Luckily I brought my sunglasses with me, because I recognized many of the BBWs from Craigslist personal ads I had responded to in the past. Many of them were past bangs, and I didn’t want them to recognize me; damn It really is a small world after all. Anyway, as the march went on, the women started chanting and yelling louder and louder. All of the sudden the crowd of thick, sweaty bodies started to clump together all around me, squeezing me in. With all that these thick walls of soft flesh around, my boner got more and more stiff, which subsequently became harder to conceal. One BBW felt the tip of my junk on her trunk and turned around to see what it was, but I played it cool, pretending my hand was in my pocket.

It didn’t help that I kept bumping into her ass with my stiff cock: the jig was up. She gave me a funny look. I tried apologizing to her, “Baby, excuse me” but she snarled at me and turned away, releasing a rancid angry-fart out of spite. My boner got even harder. That’s when I knew I had to improvise a way to prevent another accidental bump with my junk, or else the whole crowd of Slutwalkers would turn on me. So I took the sign I had and held it over my crotch as a barrier. Then I unzipped my pants and let my cock hang loose while I stroked it like a ninja, or just some Secret Negro Agent 007 shit. Ultimately masturbating helped reduce my boner so I could act more normal. Despite having so many fat white bitches up close, squishing me in, I was busting all kinds of nuts with maximum stealth. Dozens in truth. It was a long march.

She’s not even looking at me, but I’m looking at her.

As the march was coming to a close, I left early and headed for my food truck, then drove it up to the horde of hungry Slutwalkers. A long line of fine looking sluts formed at the side of my truck, with their eyes were lit. All the sudden I went from being a random black dude in a white-feminist-march to feeling like a hiphop star with white groupies. I was killing two birds with one stone. As I say, “Make some dough, bang some dough.” That’s my motto. I even had a special offer for big sluts that signed up for my free dessert membership plan — which was actually just a cleverly disguised sexual-consent form. Shout out to my lawyer!

In conclusion, when it comes to RAPE, BBWs secretly love rapists and stalkers. On top of that, since when does any woman consent with a “yes” for a pussy pounding? She can’t even say “yes” or “no”, just “mmmm mmmm” when she’s got that whole 9 inches of Nigel’s snicker bar rammed down her turkey-necked throat.

“baby my bad, you gonna need some honey lemon tea for that sore throat.”

Follow me on twitter for more big game advice @NigelBigGame