Silence of the Hams

Recently a very clever brother I know, we’ll call him JW, came up with a very interesting tactic that I decided to borrow (thanks brother). I’m sure he won’t mind since he’s left the game to live an ascetic existence in the Caribbean. Anyway, I’ve already successfully incorporated this method into my own chubby chasing arsenal. Let me break it down for you.

The idea behind this: Instead of going to Walmart all the time, why not get these mammoth-walrus sluts to waddle there way to my place? Ahah, light bulbs lit up and then exploded in my head like fireworks when I figured out how to do this shit. It’s simple: just pretend you are some kind of talent scout for a beauty pageant or modeling agency. I started putting out flyers and ads on craigslist for a BBW beauty pageant promoting fat acceptance. Here’s the flyer I used:

The results were off the chain. It was like something out of Hansel and Gretel, and I was the witch with the gingerbread house; but instead it’s made of pizza and cornbread too. In fact, the auditions were held at my house, and I laid out trails of cornbread covered with nutella from the front door to my bedroom. When each BBW entered through the front door for the audition, she knew this is the place to show off her fat acceptance, where she can comfortably embrace her lack of willpower.

When a fattie approaches, I leave my door unlocked and open it just a crack, so it swings open when she knocks. As she enters, the BBW sees the trail of food and hears the voice “Come on in baby. Treat-yo self.” It’s my voice coming from the bedroom, as I lie in wait for the impending ambush. She starts eating the food that leads to my bedroom, as I put on my ski mask and turn up some R&B music. As she follows the trail of food into the hallway, getting closer, the tension thickens.

The sound of her chewing gets louder and louder as she gets closer, and my dick gets harder and harder as I hear her grunting like a hog while she eats. My body starts sweating, as I become more impetuous. Finally (this is where my experience in Mixed Martial Arts comes in handy) I leap out of the bedroom and judo throw her extra-large ass to the ground, then hogtie her up. Now the pipe laying commences. My joint is harder than wood in wintertime when I plunge it into that pussy, balls deep. It goes in so hard sparks fly out because of all the friction. She squeals in pain with the nutella and cornbread still stuck in her mouth, while I’m throwing up her flabs like a pizza chef tosses dough in the air. Finally smoke starts coming out that pussy — time to switch holes! After I break off a nut or two in that ass, I turn up some James Brown and bust a move, woooo. That’s how I celebrate a fine day. After beaten that fat pussy up, time to put some ice cream on that ass to cool it down; open a few windows to let the tension out, and hear the birds sing.

If she is still around, I let her have some cookie dough as a treat. BBWs get hungry after sex. Plus It definitely ain’t rape if she licks cookie dough off my balls.

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Haters Gonna Hate

One thing you’ll notice about my blog is that some of my more controversial posts get nasty comments from bitter, angry fatties unworthy of the BBW title. If there is one thing that distinguishes a fat hoe from a BBW, it’s her capacity to be comfortable in her own skin and big flabby-flabs — not unleashing a shit storm of pent up big fat player hate against me, the one man that’s showing the way to Fat Acceptance. I pray for each hater when she leaves hate on my blog, because God knows all haters go to hell.

fat woman that a hater

What my haters look like after they read one of my posts. “Hey bitch, there’s a twinkie behind you.”

My haters seem to gravitate toward my Sex Slave post and my About Me section. So let’s analyze some of these evil, hateful comments. It’s time for me to address them here and now:

Really? I cook all kinds of pizza and fried chicken and make ice cream, for all my bitches! I don’t hate them for their larger size, I love them for it! You call that misogyny??! Bitch, what are you smoking? Crack? No wonder you can’t find Mr. Right. Good luck anyway.

Next we got this mysterious fattie playing the hater role (again). She probably has a low self esteem and we all know what that means…

I’m just telling the truth. And you don’t even deserve a cream pie with that  horrible fattitude. You sound hungry though, and hunger is the leading cause of all fattitudes. Nigel’s fat camp is enrolling. We take in women that have self-esteem issues for sure 😉

Next up we got us a real big, thick, extra-fat Jabba the Slut that is really a secret admirer. She wants to subscribe to Nigel’s feeding and breeding program, but there’s some kind of cognitive dissonance that prevents her from admitting it. She is in the closet, waiting for some chocolate:

Come on… You know you want it. But since you can’t openly admit it, you spit hate on my Big Game Blog. I highlighted what you said about liking sex slavery, Freudian slip? The gates to Nigel’s pig pen are open, come on in and we’ll wrestle in the mud.

This fat little piggy has hate rolling off her sweaty flabs. I think all that hate violates the laws of Feng Shui or Chi or whatever. Confucius say “when fat bitch angry, she should turn the other chin”, but unfortunately she doesn’t listen to Confucius.

“Fat women lie about rape all the time” BINGO! Sometimes haters accidentally spill out some truth. God, if someone put me to the test, I wouldn’t be arrested, I’d get a trophy. A trophy for first place in fat acceptance and big game. What would you get a trophy for Rachel? Besides being a fat ass bitch? Champion summer sausage swallower?

And here’s a hater that’s full of shit:

Un huh… Really? You feel this way too?

But she is actually a hypocrite. In my Fat Rating System post she wants to know how she measures up, when she left this comment:

Hypocrite….You’re a groupie in denial.

That concludes this post. There are other haters for sure, and some manginas are haters that are angry because they get no vagina. Not all is lost with the female haters though, because each one is just one good dick away from healing. I know this for sure, because I have a degree in holistic healing, and let me tell you: sex is therapeutic. It is the way to healing for all angry fat feminist hate mongers. Fat Acceptance is about healing as much as it is about gettin’ bigger ass.