SlutWalks Are Great For Snagging Fat White Sluts

Have you ever heard of Slutwalks? You gotta try it out man, especially if you like being around fat white sluts like I do. These dimes won’t admit it, but the truth is that Slutwalks are really just Fat-Acceptance opportunities spectacles disguised as feminist activism. But hey, you know I’m super down with that. They’ll try to say specifically that they’re protesting against this whole notion that provocative dress invites RAPISTS. When they talk, I just nod my head, “okay whatever baby, that makes sense.” Seriously, It isn’t like walking around in the hood with stacks of money hangin’ out your pocket invites muggers, cause that’s way different. 

Believe it or not I’ve attended a few of these Slutwalk marches because I love fat sluts sympathize with the core principle of their movement: Overweight white women shouldn’t feel ashamed of looking and acting like fat sluts, they should flaunt it! They should feel encouraged and empowered to let their beefy muffin-tops and cottage cheese asses sag freely and openly. That’s why they got my fucking support. Amen.

Not too long ago I was in Toronto for a SlutWalk march, and boy was I surprised at the sheer size, density, and thickness of all the fat Slutwalker buffalo-bitches stampeding through the city. I couldn’t wait to join the crowd.

slutwalknigel

I’m looking smooth like Morpheus from the Matrix. 

Luckily I brought my sunglasses with me, because I recognized many of the BBWs from Craigslist personal ads I had responded to in the past. Many of them were past bangs, and I didn’t want them to recognize me; damn It really is a small world after all. Anyway, as the march went on, the women started chanting and yelling louder and louder. All of the sudden the crowd of thick, sweaty bodies started to clump together all around me, squeezing me in. With all that these thick walls of soft flesh around, my boner got more and more stiff, which subsequently became harder to conceal. One BBW felt the tip of my junk on her trunk and turned around to see what it was, but I played it cool, pretending my hand was in my pocket.

It didn’t help that I kept bumping into her ass with my stiff cock: the jig was up. She gave me a funny look. I tried apologizing to her, “Baby, excuse me” but she snarled at me and turned away, releasing a rancid angry-fart out of spite. My boner got even harder. That’s when I knew I had to improvise a way to prevent another accidental bump with my junk, or else the whole crowd of Slutwalkers would turn on me. So I took the sign I had and held it over my crotch as a barrier. Then I unzipped my pants and let my cock hang loose while I stroked it like a ninja, or just some Secret Negro Agent 007 shit. Ultimately masturbating helped reduce my boner so I could act more normal. Despite having so many fat white bitches up close, squishing me in, I was busting all kinds of nuts with maximum stealth. Dozens in truth. It was a long march.

Lookin' like Morpheus from the Matrix.

She’s not even looking at me, but I’m looking at her.

As the march was coming to a close, I left early and headed for my food truck, then drove it up to the horde of hungry Slutwalkers. A long line of fine looking sluts formed at the side of my truck, with their eyes were lit. All the sudden I went from being a random black dude in a white-feminist-march to feeling like a hiphop star with white groupies. I was killing two birds with one stone. As I say, “Make some dough, bang some dough.” That’s my motto. I even had a special offer for big sluts that signed up for my free dessert membership plan — which was actually just a cleverly disguised sexual-consent form. Shout out to my lawyer!

In conclusion, when it comes to RAPE, BBWs secretly love rapists and stalkers. On top of that, since when does any woman consent with a “yes” for a pussy pounding? She can’t even say “yes” or “no”, just “mmmm mmmm” when she’s got that whole 9 inches of Nigel’s snicker bar rammed down her turkey-necked throat.

“baby my bad, you gonna need some honey lemon tea for that sore throat.”

Follow me on twitter for more big game advice @NigelBigGame

Silence of the Hams

Recently a very clever brother I know, we’ll call him JW, came up with a very interesting tactic that I decided to borrow (thanks brother). I’m sure he won’t mind since he’s left the game to live an ascetic existence in the Caribbean. Anyway, I’ve already successfully incorporated this method into my own chubby chasing arsenal. Let me break it down for you.

The idea behind this: Instead of going to Walmart all the time, why not get these mammoth-walrus sluts to waddle there way to my place? Ahah, light bulbs lit up and then exploded in my head like fireworks when I figured out how to do this shit. It’s simple: just pretend you are some kind of talent scout for a beauty pageant or modeling agency. I started putting out flyers and ads on craigslist for a BBW beauty pageant promoting fat acceptance. Here’s the flyer I used:

The results were off the chain. It was like something out of Hansel and Gretel, and I was the witch with the gingerbread house; but instead it’s made of pizza and cornbread too. In fact, the auditions were held at my house, and I laid out trails of cornbread covered with nutella from the front door to my bedroom. When each BBW entered through the front door for the audition, she knew this is the place to show off her fat acceptance, where she can comfortably embrace her lack of willpower.

When a fattie approaches, I leave my door unlocked and open it just a crack, so it swings open when she knocks. As she enters, the BBW sees the trail of food and hears the voice “Come on in baby. Treat-yo self.” It’s my voice coming from the bedroom, as I lie in wait for the impending ambush. She starts eating the food that leads to my bedroom, as I put on my ski mask and turn up some R&B music. As she follows the trail of food into the hallway, getting closer, the tension thickens.

The sound of her chewing gets louder and louder as she gets closer, and my dick gets harder and harder as I hear her grunting like a hog while she eats. My body starts sweating, as I become more impetuous. Finally (this is where my experience in Mixed Martial Arts comes in handy) I leap out of the bedroom and judo throw her extra-large ass to the ground, then hogtie her up. Now the pipe laying commences. My joint is harder than wood in wintertime when I plunge it into that pussy, balls deep. It goes in so hard sparks fly out because of all the friction. She squeals in pain with the nutella and cornbread still stuck in her mouth, while I’m throwing up her flabs like a pizza chef tosses dough in the air. Finally smoke starts coming out that pussy — time to switch holes! After I break off a nut or two in that ass, I turn up some James Brown and bust a move, woooo. That’s how I celebrate a fine day. After beaten that fat pussy up, time to put some ice cream on that ass to cool it down; open a few windows to let the tension out, and hear the birds sing.

If she is still around, I let her have some cookie dough as a treat. BBWs get hungry after sex. Plus It definitely ain’t rape if she licks cookie dough off my balls.

follow me on twitter for more big game advice @NigelBigGame

Safe Sex for Chubby Chasers

When it comes to Big Game Hunting, safe sex is a priority, especially for you.

Need a ride to the other side man?

You gotta come prepared for this game, and make sure you satisfy every prerequisite — which I’ve covered before with regards to your strength and having the right size. But even that isn’t enough, you also have to take precautions to avoid severe injury, disaster and even death. That’s what’s so thrilling about chasing chubbies around, because you’re attempting to kill pussy that can kill you if you don’t watch out and use my common sense safety tips.

Amateur Chubby Chaser: Fatality waiting to happen.

What could go wrong? It’s usually a story like this: the typical amateur chubby chaser always thinks he’s ready.. He’s been lifting weights all week to prepare for this Olympic feat. She’s all hot and ready sitting in a steel reinforced wheelchair as he rolls her into his motel room. He lies on the bed first, takes off his clothes, and then pulls out a box of donuts that were hiding under the pillows. It all seems to go down smooth, like some kind of well choreographed R Kelly shit, until all of the sudden she leaps out of the wheel chair and this happens:

She’s not on bath salts. She’s just licking donut jelly off his face, as he dies.

His breathing begins to cut off due to the extreme weight pressing down on his chest, but she’s too busy licking the donut jelly off of his face to notice he’s dying. This could last for hours, or even days if she is too heavy to help herself off. But hey, that’s natural selection homie, that’s why there aren’t many chubby chasers around — us real chubsters, we’re an elite crew of fat sex survivors. If you want to join the Fat Acceptance league of extraordinary gentlemen, here’s some safety advice:

1. Unless you are black belt motherfucker like yours truly, never ever ever ever ever ever let that big ass mammoth-bitch on top of you. I don’t care if that’s how ya like it, you want to live right? Anything above 165 pounds can fuck up your pelvis for real. Anything above 200 pounds can send you to hell if you are stupid enough. Always stay on top like a real man. I know some of you have squash fetishes, and you want your BBW to sit on your face. Fine, but if you must, wear a hard hat so your skull remains intact.

 

Wear a hard hat when she sits on your face

Wear a hard hat when she sits on your face

2. Never let her roll on top of you. This is similar to rule #1, but if you are lying together cuddling before/after sex, you’re guard will be down. Stay calm, but be ready to roll away and jump on top if she rolls toward you. Do not let her on top unless you want to suffocate to death under layers of wet, doughy flesh.

3. Keep food off of you until you are absolutely ready for her to come at you and lick it off. Even if you’re standing and sprinkle confectioner’s sugar on your dick, you might get tackled NFL style bitch. The excitement of food is so strong in these women that a burst of energy will possess them if they even smell it — as opposed to their otherwise lethargic nature.

4. For her safety, don’t over-feed her at least an hour before sex. She may have a big body, but her little heart can only pump so much blood; and if most of it is pipe-lining to her stomach instead of her pussy (because she’s processing 8 pounds of funnel cake you bought her at the funfair) she won’t have any energy for sex. This is actually a classic amateur chubby chaser mistake. She might even have a heart attack while you’re pounding that ass. Why risk it? It kills the moment if the fat lady can’t scream because her blood flow is off.

5. Tie your BBW to the bed, otherwise she’ll roll around destroying the whole room. Broken glass and shit isn’t safe. Since I’m really into fat dungeon sex, I use handcuffs and ropes to tie my fat sex slaves up so they can’t move. I like to turn it up a notch by teasing them with food while they’re restrained. It’s a great way to torture a fat slut, and it’s safer then letting her whale ass maneuver around the room, and having furniture and lamps destroyed.

6. Don’t take a shower with her after sex. This one should be obvious, do you want to die in a bathtub? When 2 enter the shower, the BBW will leave and wonder where you went.

It’s important that you follow this advice, because what good will you do for the Fat Acceptance movement if you are dead? None. But It’s your funeral bitch.

follow me on twitter for more big game advice @NigelBigGame

You gotta feed your bitches

So wait hold up son, you think you can handle being a Chubby Chaser and Fat Sex Dungeon Master? You think you can manage a harem of obedient fat sex slaves? You’re crazy… Unless you follow my chubster 101 advice.

The secret to keeping any fat woman obedient is through her stomach. That’s right, let me repeat: the key to the pussy is through her stomach. You gotta feed ’em if you wanna bang them. Why else do you think I became a professional chef? I’ll save that chef part for another post. Anyway, it isn’t as simple as calling up Domino’s and getting a few extra large pizzas for your hoes. You might think that makes you a gentleman, but the truth is they can order up extra-large sausage pizzas on their own — without your sausage present. However, If you can cook a decent meal, you have a serious edge over other chubby chasers that depend on Pizza Hut and Chinese take out. Not only is homemade food far better, It’s also sexier and more seductive for her to see you with nothing on but your apron while you’re making a gourmet meal.

Photo of my brick oven. I’m making two pizzas: one for her and one for me. Makes her feel special; then I serve her chocolate sausage pizza for dessert to make her anus feel famous.

When you can cook her gourmet food, she becomes dependent on you for that high quality food. You’ve possessed her taste buds, you own her palate, you’ve got her. On top of this, she’ll eventually associate the good taste and feeling of eating that food with you. By creating this dependency, she is forced to obey your every command as a submissive sex slave, or else no more food. In general, it’s a great way to reward her for sex.

However, when she doesn’t obey you, you have to punish your fat sex slave by cutting that bitch off from your food supply. It’s that simple. If she doesn’t put out when and how you want her to, and If she doesn’t totally behave as a proper chubby slave, you cut that bitch off — no more fried meatballs and spaghetti with pesto, no more deep fried tacos, no more dutch chocolate pastries and pies. Of course it’s always necessary to follow this up with an extra punishment. I personally jump on top of my slaves, forcing them to give me piggy back ride that are painful for them, this coincides with the zapping each slab of fat with my cattle prod. Another great punishment involves pouring rainbow sprinkles on her muffin tops and biting into them hard enough to cause severe pain and bleeding. I love biting muffin tops, it’s so sexy! And with rainbow sprinkles, it’s tasty too. You can even use this technique to train your other fat sex slaves to punish each other.

But in conclusion, proper fat sex slave management revolves around your ability to feed your bitches, and you should feed them well as a reward for obedience. When they misbehave, you cut them off as punishment, and punish them more for good measure. After you punish them, reward your BBWs with some candy.

Other chubby chasers will hate me when they find out… I’ve got my own candy shop. How can they compete with that? My double fudge lollipop melts in a fat bitch’s mouth.

follow me on twitter for more big game advice @NigelBigGame