Lately I’ve been making my rounds at the local buffets once again. Last time I learned a very valuable lesson: Buffets are surprisingly the hardest place on earth to game BBWs. Even though you have so many of them waddling around in one place, they are overly distracted by all the choices of food, and even just the smell of food… They are so busy hogging up the buffet tables, carefully selecting what they want to eat, it’s hard to talk to them. They just get their food and sit at their table, intensely focused on the act of eating. I was so broken down after a week of nothing but cold rejection that I swore off buffet game forever. Never again I said to myself, but that was 5 months ago. Now I decided to tame the beasts in their own environment once again, by any means necessary.
A few days ago I hit up the buffet scene again, but this time employing a new overall strategy. I was suited up, more confident than ever, and had a new, solid alibi for my presence. In my new fitted purple suit, I headed for the Golden Corral and immediately noticed that every fat bitch was staring at me, for at least 3 seconds. Man I knew I had made a solid impression right there and then, until all the sudden the smell of bacon grease and fried foods hit me like a brick wall. The BBWs turned back around to the soul food selections, but the gain in confidence I had lingered, and I knew it was time to game on.
I got myself a plate and got in line, but this one fat woman in front of me was so god damn big I couldn’t see anything ahead of her. She was like an edifice of adipose with an ass the size of a dumpster, and a fecal stench reeking through her clothing. I had to hold my plate over my crotch to conceal a very intense boner. Once we got to the food, I knew my chance to spit game was now or never. I waited until she started loading up her tray with food, which was taking forever. The people behind us were getting visibly frustrated waiting for her to finish up, so I called her out on it, “girl, come on. You’re holdin’ up the line!” I was trying to be cute, I smiled, but she got defensive.
BBW: Motherfuckah you got something to say to me?
Nigel: Hell yeah I do!
BBW: Whatchu got niggah? I’ll sit on you!
Nigel: Oh yeah, is that a threat honey? Because guess what, I could have you black listed.
BBW: What, you gonna put me on a black wishlist? Huh?
Nigel: No bitch, It means you won’t ever be able to come back here again. All I have to do is snap a picture of you and send it to the Golden Corral head quarters, telling them you’ve been “over served” and are acting belligerent fat hoe, hoggin’ up the line. That’s it, and you’ll be banished from the Golden Corral kingdom for all eternity. How’s that sound?
BBW: FUCK YOU niggah! You ain’t gonn’ do shit!
At this point everyone was staring at us, and some were even filming with their iPhones.
She put down her tray and waddled toward me, getting in my face like she was ready to throw down. I put down my plate and got ready in my boxing stance — and I’ll be honest here, I was scared for life, because she was at least twice my weight (I’m 235 pounds). I told her to “step the fuck back.” That was her third and final warning, I was through being nice, but she still didn’t want to listen. She choose to seal her fate when she grabbed a good scoop of greasy mashed sweet potatoes and flung it at my suit, which I had just gotten dry cleaned. Damn, that was the last straw. I quickly jabbed her in the face with my right hand and followed up with a left hook to her jaw (the good old one two combo). She was out already, when I kicked her over. She fell back, hitting the ground so hard the whole building shook up. It was like Godzilla had fallen over in defeat. The crowd of patrons was cheering for me when she went down, but I hardly noticed.
Word of advice for you hoes: Never mess with a brother’s suit, especially if it’s fitted, cause you’ll get knocked the fuck out for real.
She was lying on the ground unconscious while I was still in aggression mode, lost in the violence, seeing red; so I pulled my pants down and got to work. I couldn’t find her pussy beneath all the layers of flab, so I compromised with a nice crevice. I was getting in it hard, trying to bust a nut, but then I noticed that fecal smell again. It was coming from a hole near her gunt, she had a colostomy. Her colostomy bag had fallen off, and there was a nice hole for me to shove my dick in. There was shit inside, but my dick didn’t care, it was just like putting it in her ass, no different. It was nice and tight and I busted a few times. I felt like a champion beating up her… hole. She got what she deserved, and I had finally gotten a notch from a buffet — a Golden Corral flag. My dick gave me a fist bump.
After I got done, I noticed that everyone had left, so I pulled my pants up and went outside for a smoke. The cops showed up and asked me what had happened, and I told them the truth, “I was scared for my life, and she was asking for it.”
Follow me on twitter.
Read More: When BBWs Act UP