Silence of the Hams

Recently a very clever brother I know, we’ll call him JW, came up with a very interesting tactic that I decided to borrow (thanks brother). I’m sure he won’t mind since he’s left the game to live an ascetic existence in the Caribbean. Anyway, I’ve already successfully incorporated this method into my own chubby chasing arsenal. Let me break it down for you.

The idea behind this: Instead of going to Walmart all the time, why not get these mammoth-walrus sluts to waddle there way to my place? Ahah, light bulbs lit up and then exploded in my head like fireworks when I figured out how to do this shit. It’s simple: just pretend you are some kind of talent scout for a beauty pageant or modeling agency. I started putting out flyers and ads on craigslist for a BBW beauty pageant promoting fat acceptance. Here’s the flyer I used:

The results were off the chain. It was like something out of Hansel and Gretel, and I was the witch with the gingerbread house; but instead it’s made of pizza and cornbread too. In fact, the auditions were held at my house, and I laid out trails of cornbread covered with nutella from the front door to my bedroom. When each BBW entered through the front door for the audition, she knew this is the place to show off her fat acceptance, where she can comfortably embrace her lack of willpower.

When a fattie approaches, I leave my door unlocked and open it just a crack, so it swings open when she knocks. As she enters, the BBW sees the trail of food and hears the voice “Come on in baby. Treat-yo self.” It’s my voice coming from the bedroom, as I lie in wait for the impending ambush. She starts eating the food that leads to my bedroom, as I put on my ski mask and turn up some R&B music. As she follows the trail of food into the hallway, getting closer, the tension thickens.

The sound of her chewing gets louder and louder as she gets closer, and my dick gets harder and harder as I hear her grunting like a hog while she eats. My body starts sweating, as I become more impetuous. Finally (this is where my experience in Mixed Martial Arts comes in handy) I leap out of the bedroom and judo throw her extra-large ass to the ground, then hogtie her up. Now the pipe laying commences. My joint is harder than wood in wintertime when I plunge it into that pussy, balls deep. It goes in so hard sparks fly out because of all the friction. She squeals in pain with the nutella and cornbread still stuck in her mouth, while I’m throwing up her flabs like a pizza chef tosses dough in the air. Finally smoke starts coming out that pussy — time to switch holes! After I break off a nut or two in that ass, I turn up some James Brown and bust a move, woooo. That’s how I celebrate a fine day. After beaten that fat pussy up, time to put some ice cream on that ass to cool it down; open a few windows to let the tension out, and hear the birds sing.

If she is still around, I let her have some cookie dough as a treat. BBWs get hungry after sex. Plus It definitely ain’t rape if she licks cookie dough off my balls.

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Solid chubby chasing player? Or beta male?

Recently, I came across this article about a woman trying to set a guinness world record for her size: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2117319/Mothers-bid-fattest-human-115-stone—shes-marrying-chef-help-her.html

Susanne Eman is a very, very big BBW. She is trying to become the biggest woman in the world. That’s not the focus of this article however. What’s more interesting is her chubby chasing fiance. This guy has got some serious black-belt game, so why in the hell is he settling down? Alpha chubby chaser suddenly wifing it up and turning beta? Something is not right here. One thing about chubby chasing, variety is the spice of life.

Parker Clack is his name, and check out his game. First off, he’s a professional chef (just like your highness over here) and he goes all out with it. Check it out:

And here’s the breakdown: seasoned chubby chasers worldwide know that pancakes are a favorite. Also, making strong eye-contact while feeding your BBW is a hypnotic NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming/hypnotizing bitches) maneuver (thanks Ross Jeffries) that I’ve employed over the past several years. Works like a charm. Sometimes to set the mood for a quicker bang, I’ll turn it up a notch by force feeding my BBW. However, this Parker Clack player guy seems to display more grace in his seduction strategy by avoiding this tactic altogether. It builds more sexual tension when you don’t rush shit.

Next we see another NLP trick:

Did you spot it?

Did you?

Are you looking at it?

If you didn’t, look closely. Stare if you have to. He strategically places the plate of food near his crotch. This is something that takes years of experience in the game to discover. Just look at that woman’s face, she sees her plate, thinks of dick. At this point it’s clear that this guy is pulling top notch alpha-male chubby chaser game. If this isn’t evidence that he’s a seasoned chubby chaser with top notch game, then nothing else is; which also leads us to conclude that this guy has been around the block, feeding big girls around the clock.

So what happened? All of the sudden he’s settled down with one BBW? Something isn’t right here. This guy could be servin’ up new fatties every week like your girl gets french fries at McDonald’s.