I know what you’re thinkin’ homie, “what tha hell, you crazy Nigel?” Word, I gotcha, but hear me out son. Listen to this.
Have you ever hung out with some girls and the fattest one says, “hey, this guy keeps stalking me” or “this guy keeps grabbing my ass”? Do you ever turn on the news and the story of the night is that a woman got raped in the next county — they show her picture, and she’s a fat as fuck, 78 year old grandmother? What’s goin’ on here? Are rapist and stalkers really gettin’ together, conspiring to victimize fat bitches? Yeah right, and the tooth fairy flew into my bedroom one night and gave me a rimjob while I was asleep. Actually, the answer is a big fat fucking NO. These pussy ass wannabe rapists and stalkers couldn’t wrestle a hog in the mud, much less ride a wild buffalo. If anything, these rapists and stalkers are just jealous that they can’t handle a big woman. So why in the hell are these fatties screaming rape and accusing random men of stalking them?
I’ll tell you why, because big bitches want stalkers to rape them. It’s disgusting I know, but we live in a disgusting world, so you gotta man up to that challenge or fade out. Since most men out there aren’t making moves on fatties, these big women have got to invent their stalkers and degrading rape stories to tell their best friends forever. They don’t want to feel left out and less sought-after when their girlfriends get together and talk about dating and sex, so they tell tall tales — to boost their ego with lies rooted in their deepest sexual fantasies. Some of these bitches are so desperate they take their bullshit to the news stations; they need the whole world to know that they got gang raped and gagged with a twinkie. Bitch please, who you foolin’?
The truth: when fat women cry and complain that they got stalkers trying to rape them, it’s a signal that they aren’t getting any dick. They’re advertising their desperation by pretending and announcing that the total opposite is true. It’s that plain and simple. They want dick by any means necessary, even if it’s imaginary; but they want the real thing by force, they’re that fucking desperate. This bullshit is so bad that innocent brothers are getting locked away in the pen; so I’m doing my part to fix this problem, thank the Lord that I found a solution.
Captain save-a-hoe to the rescue. When I realized this shit, I put on a trench coat and went out telling fat bitches I was a detective. I told them I was looking for this known stalker who is also wanted for rape and on the run from the FBI. Each and every fat hoe I questioned immediately piped up said she was one of his victims, a victim of the exact same stalker/rapist I was looking for. Man, what a coincidence! I invited each one to my white van for further questioning to help with the investigation, they all agreed. Once I got them in the van, I told them to take off all their clothes so I can gather some DNA evidence. Clothes come off, I bend the bitch over, and made some new DNA evidence. Botta bing botta boom botta bang.
Now things didn’t always go down smoothly in the white van. Sometimes I’d get a hostile fattie telling me that she needs to see my badge and shit, and that she ain’t snitching unless I’m for real. This is when I ask her what the rapist looks like. As she’s giving me the description, I put on my ski mask and say, “did he look like this?” Then I whip out my cattle prod and tase the fuck out of her until her pussy glows in the dark, and proceed to harpoon her face with my chocolate yardstick. After the zap and tap session I dump her ass off in front of the homeless shelter so my buddies can finish her — I’m all about recycling — and by sharing that ass I protect myself legally. This is what I call forming an LLC (Limited Liability Cooperation) because the liability (blame) is spread out. I’m not the only
rapist one involved. She won’t be able to remember and report all of us. Furthermore, the cops aren’t going to believe another epic rape story anyway.
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