How I pick the right woman

nigel kills it again

She was born hungry, and I fed her well.

Back in my early days when I was a younger man, I was a french fryer at McDonald’s. I thought the smell I brought with me from work to the club was all i needed to be a big-ass-getter. But I was so on it, so hungry, so inexperienced, I didn’t even give bitches the chance to smell me. I just chased girls with big asses like I escaped from prison and had to bust a nut real quick before the police could catch me and send me back. I was always buying new clothes, trying to increase my swag, and hustling hard like a door to door salesman selling dick. Sometimes it worked, but man, It got tiring; it was hard work. I usually only drink Gatorade after fucking fat BBWs to replenish my electrolytes and energy/sugar-levels, but back then I had to drink that shit all the time because I was exhausting myself so much. At one point I had to smoke crack just to keep up and stay alert. Then my hair was starting to turn grey, and I had had enough. Those were the days… Then a major paradigm shift changed my game forever. One day I saw a man on TV hunting wild beasts in Africa. He took his time to wait and ambush big game beasts, and that’s when I knew that catching big game required big game. It was so much more strategic, relaxing, and intelligent than what I was doing all along. All the pieces of the big game puzzle finally came together. This ain’t checkers motherfuckers, it’s chess.

So let’s come back to the present, around last week. It was big ladies night at the Ham Hock Saloon. I weaseled my way into the VIP party room where they had an open buffet and strategically planted myself in front of it — specifically the table with the fried chicken assortment. The BBWs started waddling their way in like a stampede. I was gettin’ real excited but kept my cool with a big pitcher of beer in my hands. I stood there posted up like a soldier on guard duty, just watching them get comfortable, waiting for all that food to start digesting and sap up their strength. The time started to fly and the room got hot and sweaty, when all of the sudden I felt an intense pressure on my foot, like a truck had run over it. I thought my foot was about to be pulverized, but I held my breath to avoid screaming in public. I looked down and noticed it wasn’t someone’s foot stepping on my shoe, but instead the end of a walking cane — a fat ass woman (with severely debilitating gout) had inadvertently placed the end of her cane on my foot for support as she struggled in a lumbering waddle, on her way to the next buffet. Immediately all the anger and pain turned into excitement, because the weakest link in this procession of very big titties-n-ass had just stumbled into my clutching range.

She was short and very wide, especially her ass — no wonder she needed a walking cane, it was epic; or maybe it was because of her gout, which looked like a giant ass tumor. I had to make the first move, so I grabbed her by the love handles and pulled her closer, pretending to whisper something in her ear about how I noticed her checking me out, and how beautiful I think she is; see a little flattery goes a long way with big bitches, and it’s a great way to buy time. She smiled, and then I offered her some beer from the pitcher I was holding. She gave me a funny look and then asked me if I was just trying to get her drunk, but I was like, “baby, you serious? Just have a sip.” She looked thirsty, and I was thirsty for her epic ass and pussy, it was a win win situation. But being a black belt in big game, I also knew something else: if I could get her to drink the whole pitcher of beer, it would seriously agitate her gout. So I put the pitcher up to her lips and I started chanting, “drink! drink! finish it bitch!” and got the whole room to chant with me; the peer pressure set in and the beer disappeared. It didn’t take long for her  to guzzle it down, she was born to swallow.

After drinking all that beer, it only took 2 minutes for the pain to set in. Her big ass foot with the gout was glowing red hot and lookin’ ready to explode. She could barely stand up, even with her cane for support. She started leaning on me and moaning. I knew I had her right where I wanted. “Excuse me folks, coming through. She needs help taking a shit” was all I had to say, and everyone moved out of our way as I guided her to the restroom. One hater that supposedly was her friend jumped out in front of me and asked me what I was doing, but I pulled out my wallet and quickly flashed him my health insurance card that has a blue cross on it, “I’m a nurse at the hospital, I work with obese patients. I’m a professional, I know how to handle this.” He quickly shut up and walked away. Once we made it to the restroom, I guided her toward the stall. She put up some physical resistance; and being a big woman, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to just push her in, so instead I yanked her walking cane away and she fell to the floor like a limp sack of shit. She fell into the stall perfectly, just barely fitting in with her ass hanging out. I couldn’t close the door, but it’s didn’t matter. I unzipped my pants and got to work, kneading her doughy ass with my chocolate dough roller.

It is thanks to my strategic approach to big game that I don’t have to break a sweat and waste my time if I don’t want to. Sun Tzu would approve.

my man sun tzu

follow me on twitter for more big game advice @NigelBigGame

31 thoughts on “How I pick the right woman

      • Now I know you are either full of shit or just a deviant slob. Studies show that in order for human attraction to take place facial symmetry plays a key role. For most men attraction begins when a man subconsciously looks at a woman’s face and sees symmetrical features and an overall symmetrical shape to her face. Facial symmetry is in an indicator of a healthy genetic background. Other qualities men look for in a woman’s face are a small brow line and a more narrow feminine jaw line. If you are of the opinion that a woman’s face isn’t important in human male/female attraction then you are either just a horny pig or a rapist. In which case stay the fuck away from our fat white women and just find a knot hole in a fence somewhere.
        We don’t need or want you contaminating our chubby caucasian girls with your deviant seed. It sickens me when I see a hot fatty pushing a stroller loaded down with a blonde, nappy haired, little half breed sucking on a bottle of grape drink. Your kind needs to stop contributing to the white-trashification of this world and get with your own fat black mamas and we’ll be cool. Fat white chicks also need to stop seeking black dick and go to college get educated and stop contributing to the lowering of the human gene pool.

  1. I don’t know what to say here. I used to think you were just a troll jerk but now I realize that you are a truly sick fuck. Even joking about taking advantage of or aggravating someone’s physical pain for your own pleasure so low that words can’t even describe how repulsed I am right now. What you have written in this latest installment of your hoodrat trash blog isn’t even in the slightest bit funny or entertaining and anyone who thinks it is; is just as sick and disturbed as you. What you just expressed is little more than the avocation of physical torture of another human being so that you can get your rocks off. If you find your sick behavior acceptable in any way then I suggest you seek professional help. You are mentally disturbed and I hope you get help before you actually try to live out one of your depraved fantasies and hurt someone.

      • You’re a sick bastard, get help. Purposely inflecting pain on someone so you can get your rocks off is sick and depraved. Even if you are joking which I know you are, it still brands your ass as a low-life and a scumbag. Wise up dipshit.

        • I have a feeling you were that lame kid in class that farted all the time and would remind the teacher to assign homework when she forgot.

          • Wrong moron. I have the feeling that you were the SPED that was so desparate for friends that you would eat your own shit if the cool kids aked you to do it.

  2. I’m confused about the logistics here… If she wasn’t interested in you sexually, and was more or less resisting you physically, how did you even get her into the restroom in the first place? Am I the only person to notice this hole in his story? Nigel, it doesn’t add up. You’re a fake!

    • Hah, you give hoes way too much credit. Why do you think I gave her the beer to agitate her gout? Because I knew the pain would take her focus off her thought processes. It was like a magic trick; take her mind off her pussy.

  3. Nigel, I’ve been following your blog and let me tell you something brother: I understand where you are coming from. I understand your insatiable desire for the ass of fat white women; but you need to make sure you aren’t doing this as an act of retribution against the white man, for all the years our people have been enslaved. I once chased down fat white girls, and it was for this very reason. Be careful brother.

    • I love big girls because they are big. That’s it. I will hit up BBWs of any race or creed, my dick doesn’t discriminate. Black, white, Chinese, Mormon, doesn’t matter… It isn’t about revenge.

  4. Pingback: Final Thoughts on Picking Up Fat Girls

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s